Today should have been the most restful day I’ve had this month. My husband got the exciting opportunity to go to the Kansas City Chiefs game, leaving me a day to myself. I didn’t get to sleep in but still ended up with about 9 hours of sleep, so I woke up physically rested. And it was Sunday and I love my church, so that should have filled me up.
What happened? I’m not sure.
I left church feeling defeated and alone. Instead of feeling like I had spent time in community, I felt on the outskirts and in people’s way. Over the course of the day, I gave in to self-pity, jealously, lust, greed, pride, and probably a few more ugly, sinful things that I’m forgetting about in this moment.
[Insert break while I pop over to Ann Voskamp’s site for a moment.]
This is the music that auto-plays on her site. It’s not my favorite thing – to have music auto-playing when someone visits your site – I usually mute it. But this song has grown on me and tonight it provided the breathe in and out that I needed:
What I went to find was this link to surreal landscapes from around the world (take a look, then come back).
It’s looking at images like those and listening to this gorgeous music (check out more on his website: DavidNevue.com), that I feel put in my place. I begin to remember the bigness of God (that I talked about a little on Day 6). I begin to recall how small my place is in the great plan of God.
This isn’t about trying to diminish myself or putting myself down. It’s about taking a peek at the hugeness of Yahweh. An awe-filled moment at the doorway of heaven, not because of golden streets or pearly gates or even the loved ones already there, but because of the glory of Almighty God. This glory we heard about today in church, that Moses could not look directly on and live, so God showed his “back.” Another passage in Exodus talks about how Moses’ face began to shine, literally, from so much time spent in the presence of Jehovah, that he covered his head with a veil. The book of Revelation says that in eternity, there is no need for sun, moon, or stars for the glory of the Lord illuminates everything.
The day still feels wasted, washed up, ruined, screwed up, Today was a day in my own strength, glorifying myself. Ultimately, pretty much of a waste. But, God is still glorious, so I don’t have to fear letting others down or screwing up the day.
If you’ve had a day like this, rest in God’s glory with me.
Today is Day 20 of 31 Days of being called to rest.