I don’t know what you’re doing

green teaMy husband is addicted to Lipton Diet Green Tea.

I suppose (full disclosure) you could say that I’m addicted, too, but not quite to the extent that he is.

So, when we go to Sam’s Club about once a month to stock up on green tea, we don’t just buy a case or two. We buy 10-12 cases. Of 24 bottles of tea. 10*24=240 bottles of green tea. Minimum.

I stopped by there tonight on my way home from work and grabbed a modest 9 cases to get us through a few weeks. Did I mention the addiction?

What I neglected to consider is that my trunk is full of boxes, so I ended up stacking the cases in my backseat. During the ten minute drive home the cases slid or fell over as I rounded several curves. With each plastic crunching crash, I cringed. And then sighed. Now my car – like my house and my life – is a mess.

(It’s not as hopeless as all that, and I’m reminded that my mom reads my blog and hurts with a momma’s heart when I talk about hard things. But I’m learning that I can’t always stay silent to spare her further pain. To all the mommas, your children are going to go through hard stuff in this life, both when they are under your roof and years after they have flown the coop. Of the joys and pains, heights and depths of being a mom, this is one of the lows).

Where was I? Oh, yes, the mess. There’s a lot going on that I cannot control right now. I can’t fix the problem in our basement. I can’t fix my husband’s chronic pain. I can’t fix problems with relationships. I can’t fix my heart. Etc, etc. It’s all way too much for me to handle. And lately, I’ve been not handling it in very destructive ways.

Who You Are

So, I’m driving home with cases of tea scattered across my back seat and Great Is Thy Faithfulness (Jimmy Needham’s version) playing through the speakers. I found myself asking God, how? How can I sing that your faithfulness is great? How is it great?

I know the answer as soon as I ask. It’s faith. It’s believing everything I know about God as revealed in the Bible – that he is true, that he is unchanging, that he is sovereign. It’s also God’s faithfulness, not mine that I lean on. I run away. I abandon him. He never leaves me. He never stops loving me.

And, so, tonight, this is where I am. This is what I can say: I don’t know what You’re doing, but I know who You are.

I had never heard this song before today, but that line hits home so perfectly and gives me the strength to hold on for today. And then one more day. And then another.

I hope you take the time to listen to this song. I hope it helps you find faith to trust what God is doing in your life.

I’m linking up with:

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8 Comments

  1. Ethel Miller

     /  November 11, 2014

    Janice, I’m glad when you talk about the hard things (yes, my heart aches) because I know that God is at work in your life. And that you are paying attention. This is part of that “community” you often talk about. It’s hard to go through life, even for a little while, wearing a mask so no one sees your pain. The truth is we need each other and we need to be real. I am greatly encouraged by the things you write, so please keep on writing. I’ve got hard places too and it helps me more than you know.

    Reply
  2. Janice- Yes! It’s focusing on the One who can heal our brokenness and make beauty from our messes. Love your honesty and your words here. Thank you!

    Reply
  3. Kristin Hill Taylor

     /  November 12, 2014

    I’m so glad you linked up at my place today. I love the real life shared here. I felt so helpless this summer with multiple situations in my own life and in the lives of those close to me that I could not fix. God reminded me of his control and compassion. And he’s started to show me what he was doing. Of course, I’m only seeing snippets of his plan, but I feel like my faith is a tad stronger and some relationships deeper. And, really, isn’t that the point? I’m hoping you continue to let God deal with the messes. (And enjoy that tea!)

    Reply
  4. The hard things. I love what you said about not being able to shield your mama from this stuff. I stand with your mom and ask the Lord to provide more grace for her, peace for you, healing for your husband and His compassion over all. xo

    Reply
  5. Our faith is strengthened in those hard places isn’t it? Thankful that God loves us through them.

    Reply
  6. I’m glad that your faith is so strengthened by these hard places and messes. I’ve always felt the same way, although I’m struggling to feel that lately. Actually, your post has inspired me to write something about my current feelings on faith. Thanks, my friend. ((((hugs)))) P.S. I love that you mentioned green tea. That Lipton Green Tea stuff is pretty good. I’m not usually a fan of iced tea, but that is pretty good. Now regular tea is a different thing altogether. I actually just wrote about my love for tea on my blog yesterday! 🙂

    Reply
  7. That song is beautiful. I have never heard before either but so glad you shared. And love your honesty in this post, Janice. Life is hard and messy. I so get not understanding what God is doing but we keep on believing. We remember His faithfulness and we keep on trusting in His ways and His timing. Holding you in prayer, friend. When I said I want to connect deeper with online friends, I so mean that. Sending hugs your way. xoxo

    Reply

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  • Hi, I'm Janice. I'm part bookworm and part creative. I love both science and music (and the science of music). I'm stumbling around trying to grow closer to God. Click the photo to read more about me.

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