Day 27: Where your brokenness brings you

Part of crushing kingdoms includes brokenness, which is weighing heavily on me tonight. This song is several years old now, but between the lyrics and the visual picture in the video, it really hits home.

This is not about what you’ve done,
But what’s been done for you.
This is not about where you’ve been,
But where your brokenness brings you to
This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you new.

And then there’s this lovely song by All Sons & Daughters

I am a sinner; if it’s not one thing it’s another
Caught up in words, tangled in lies
But you are a savior and you take brokenness aside and make it beautiful

We’re continuing the series – click the photo for the index of all posts:

crushing your kingdoms

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Day 4: Rest in God’s Strength

Broken Is

Back in July, I wrote a Five Minute Friday post right after a week serving at camp. This post, What Broken Looks Like, was written from a very bruised and broken place. In the post, I wrote that this wasn’t a full picture, but in 5 minutes, there was just no time for details. So, right now, let me share a little more about myself and this broken moment.

In my real life, I’m an admin. I do office-y things. I’m at a desk most of the 8 hour workday. At camp this year, I decided to sign up for the admin type position, for a variety of good reasons. I figured the job would be fairly easy for me. There’s not much in an office environment that I haven’t done over the past 11 years. And, as far as skill set goes, that was true. I handled the office-y part of the position well, got back up to speed in Access within a day or two, and even learned a little bit of new info regarding SQL (sweet).

So while the actual job itself was moderately easy to pick up, it sort of took me by surprise that I was completely floundering. I was doing the work and getting sufficient acknowledgement for it, but feeling like I was drowning nonetheless. Tuesday morning, as referenced in that post, I lost it. I had 5 minutes with my husband during breakfast, where I told him I was done. Then came the moment of breaking:  the flinging of self down on the bed, the tears pouring out, the cries to God in desperation, the complete surrender.

I knew there was nowhere else to turn.

It had to be God, because in my own strength I was failing at something I’m good at.
It had to be God, or I wasn’t going to make it.

That moment of giving up was a watershed moment. I can look back and see that I moved from the side of believing in God but working really hard to get things right on my own, to handing over the reins, if you will, to surrender control of my life to God. I’ve screwed up since then, believe me, and have had to hand everything back over repeatedly, even in that one week at camp. Even in this week, trying to accomplish the 31 day blog challenge along with my normal life activities and assisting my husband with a breast cancer awareness fundraiser, it’s been about me, like a child with grubby hands, trying to hold every toy herself and dropping most of the load along the way.

Now we rest.

Now we release the things we are trying to handle in our own strength. A hurt from a relationship gone bad. A physical pain that doesn’t respond to treatment, a huge to-do list that never gets done. A problem that confounds you at every turn. A project that you can never complete.

Give it up. Stop trying so hard. Rest in God’s strength, for in His strength, we don’t have to be strong.

Boast in weakness

 

During my week at camp, throwing myself completely on God in brokenness, I found, not only strength to make it through the day, but rest. You and I need to do this daily, giving him our brokenness, our weakness, our failure – those grubby toys that are so important to us. In return, He will give us strength and rest.

31Days_Rest_thumb ←Click to get links to the whole series.

I’m one of 1500+ blogs participating in the Nester’s 31 Day Blog Challenge.

What Broken Looks Like

Ugh, seriously, Lisa-Jo? Broken? I’ve been trying to write about being broken all week. Since my story needs more than 5 minutes for the whole, here, in 5 minutes, is a glimpse at what broken looked like for me last week:

Broken is…

On Day Two of a weeklong commitment, turning to your husband and declaring, “I’m done. I’m ready to go home.”

Facedown on your bed, silent tears streaming out, leaving makeup smudges on the sheets. Those smudges serve as reminders of the depths for the rest of the week.

Broken is…

Heart pouring out to God, declaring utter helplessness, complete desperation and total failure to handle things on your own.

Daily tears, daily surrendering self to God again. And again. And again.

Broken is…

Getting smacked in the face with temptation, seemingly out of the blue. You didn’t even see it coming and yet, HELLO – wouldn’t you like to give this a try? (correct answer = no).

Running to your heavenly Father in complete abandon, throwing yourself on his extravagant grace to see you through each moment of every day.

Broken is…

admitting to yourself that you are not your own Savior. That the thing you desire is not your Savior. That the person who means the most to you is not your Savior.

Broken is…

relying on grace.

——

Whew. Broken is hard.

Can you tell this is just the tip of the iceberg? If/when I get a more complete post on brokenness and how it happened with me at camp this year, I’ll add the link here.

Want to read more FMF posts about Broken? Check out Lisa-Jo Baker’s Facebook page. I guess her blog is broken, how apropos. 

early spring tree

Day 6: When You Are Tired

Dog tired

Dog tired (Photo credit: TheGiantVermin)

Whew! We made it to the end of the week. I don’t know what your week has been like, but here’s part of a tweet I posted Friday to give you a glimpse into mine:

I feel like this week has knocked the stuffing right out of me. #scarecrowsyndrome.

Do you ever get that way? Just sort of wiped out by your day, week, or whatever? (more…)

  • Hi, I'm Janice. I'm part bookworm and part creative. I love both science and music (and the science of music). I'm stumbling around trying to grow closer to God. Click the photo to read more about me.

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