I haven’t participated in Five Minute Fridays for a few months and this month doesn’t seem like the best time to jump back in – and yet, through the #write31days challenge, I’m reading a lot of great FMF posts and I’m inspired.
This week, the word prompt is “Dare.” So, I will attempt to entertain you with some of my inner self talk presently taking place:
HOW DARE YOU?
Who do you think you are? You post such brave and challenging things aimed at others, but what about you? You don’t dare show your own weaknesses or put too much spotlight on your own idols and kingdoms. How dare you?
Well, I thought, maybe…
YOU thought. There’s your first mistake. Look, you write a nice blog and have some talent at stringing words together, but you’re no studied theologian. Six years at Liberty University doesn’t exactly qualify you to preach to others or point out their weaknesses.
I know. Look, it’s difficult. I feel the pull to share hard things but don’t feel like I have the qualifications to speak. It’s partly what tied my hands and shut my mouth this past year. I look at my failings (repeated ones sometimes) and I’m desperately looking for someone to help me through it. Finding no one, I write. Yes, I’m writing to others, because it sounds silly to write posts directed to “Dear Me.” But what I write is for me. I’m not trying to become famous or get a book deal. I just want to help others who may be hurting as much as I am.
Oh, well, when you put it that way…
LOL – I went over the five minutes, but was amused by arguing with myself. The truth is, I laid out where I want to go in this post, but I’m pretty scared about actually going there. It means talking about hard things that may upset some people. It means talking about the things in myself that I’d much prefer remain hidden. And, I suppose, they can still remain hidden – so I need to determine how much to actually put out there in the interwebs, where my mom, family members, friends, and possibly coworkers may see it. I’m awed by the bloggers who put themselves out there on a regular basis, but I don’t know if I’m ready to be one.